


I'm not upset over my brother.

by michaelshardknocklife



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Heavy Angst, Implied Character Death, Other, Realistic, connor is in a coma, dear evan hansen - Freeform, evan hansen is toxic, everyone is a bad person, except heidi, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michaelshardknocklife/pseuds/michaelshardknocklife
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Zoe Murphy
Kudos: 5





	I'm not upset over my brother.

My brother's in the hospital right now. He tried to kill himself, but my mom found him before he was able to die completely. Now he's even more brain dead than he was before. I'm sitting inside his hospital room right now. It smells like rubber gloves and sterilizer. It smells fake, you know, how hospitals smell. It's quiet, besides mom's gentle weeping. Nobody's said a word. Connor's laying on his hospital bed, neatly tucked under the covers, rigid like a dead person. His expression is calm, neutral. I think if his eyes were open it would be a little more unnerving. Then you'd be able to see the usual amount of agony. Everyone is blowing up my phone. It just vibrates amongst the dull silence. I already know what all the messages are saying. Everyone knows, because that shit spreads like wildfire. Great, thanks Connor, now I'm forever going to be known as the _coma guy's sister._ I see him out of the corner of my eye. he cant move, but something about his face curls up into a sick smile. 

Sometimes when I'm walking around my house, I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He's not even dead but my conscious is still bringing him back from the dead. He doesn't talk. Most of the time my hallucination-brother doesn't even move. He just stares at me. It's awfully creepy. Its the day after he was announced to be in a coma, and I have to go to school. My parents offered to let me stay home, but the more I give into the situation, the more attention it draws to me. Connor knew this would get under my skin, and he did it for that reason. I walk down the stairs and am instantly greeted by a peppy, middle-aged cheerleader. Christ.

"Good morning, sweetie! I'm so glad to see you out of bed," my mom chirps. She looks tired, and really stressed. Out of the ordinary for a rich white woman. I simply smile and walk past her, not wanting to engage whatever shitshow that was. She follows close behind. She smells like wine and expensive perfume.

"I made eggs and bacon, and waffles, ad we have a fruit bowl, and orange juice," she continues on and I find myself listening less and less. I wonder if she thinks this sort of brady bunch bullshit actually works while grieving. In the kitchen it really is like some royal feast. Connor would have enjoyed it. He likes waffles. He tries and puts a little bit of syrup in every single hole in the waffle like some fucked up honeycomb. I smile a bit. We used to talk a lot. Dare I say we were close. Then he went crazy or something. To be honest, I don't even know what happened. He just got unbearably irritable. He never left his room. He started smoking weed. He distanced himself from me, even though he promised me he wouldn't. He started to resent me for things I wasn't even aware I did. He started yelling. Threatening. Punching through my door. He hates me. Why does he hate me? Because I fought back? Because I just want to know where my brother went? Where did you go, Connor, and why did you leave me with this terrifying shell of a person that you are now? _Why??_

I feel a tear slip down my face. I hate crying out of frustration. I try to wipe it aware before my parents see, but suddenly my mom is coddling me, telling me its okay to be upset over my brother. That it wasn't my fault. That they're all grieving. That it will be okay. 

I really, really hate this.


End file.
